On Tuesdays and Thursdays I spend the whole day in the backroom doing inventory. The shipping clerk way in the back whistles to the radio but I can't really enjoy it because I have to concentrate. I can't gossip or daydream so I come home feeling shitty. Earl knows to stay out of my way. Sometimes he'll make dinner or rub my feet. It's nice but it doesn't make up for a day wasted counting goddamn cases of soap.

Last night, I overheard him tell Marlene that my new hair color was the same color as dried blood. I marched right into the kitchen and grabbed the phone away from him and hung up on Marlene. Then I started into Earl. He kept apologizing and I kept saying I don't like this shit, Earl. Finally, right before the eleven o'clock news, I forgave him. When we were in bed, Earl got all amorous. Well, I forgave him, but not that much. I told him to get off me and talk to me tomorrow morning when, if he was lucky, I'd want it. I lied there and thought about my bloody looking head and I could hear my real blood pound in my ears.

All blood is is ocean water. My inside ocean pulls toward different things and that's what makes dreams. I used to dream about elephants, and firetrucks, and Harry Belefonte naked. Mostly now I dream about my mother. During the day when I'm cooking or fighting with Earl or doing inventory my blood must be calling for Mama, stretching out toward her like the tide. At night she comes to me so we can talk about Marlene or I can give her a manicure. Last night she came down in my dream and complimented my hair color. She said Ramona did a good job with the highlights. She said the color was officially called "Arora's embers" and that it was lovely. While she's never had a problem with Earl, his taste has always been peculiar and marrying me was his sole freakish act of good judgment, so she wouldn't worry too much what he thinks about hair color. Then she said my hair still needed a little more height and she started teasing it up. Suddenly there was a crushing, thundering noise. I opened my eyes. Earl was snoring and it scared Mama away. I pinched his shoulder. He jerked, opened his eyes, and then closed them again.

I was so mad at Earl I decided not to let him get on me ever again. I fell back asleep and Mama came again and we started playing poker. Mama dealt. I was holding a deck of cards with three queens. I looked at the kitty between us. It was a pile of hair and teeth and someone's fingertips. I asked her what the hell this is and she stayed quiet. I pushed the hair away and saw bones and the broken parts of someone's body. I screamed and said Jesus Christ, Mama I don't want this shit. Mama patted my hand and said sweetie, it's a gift. Don't cry. It's yours. It's a gift. I was so scared I started screaming. My screaming drove her away. I woke up and the whole house was quiet. I missed Earl's snoring so I pinched his shoulders. He turned over and rubbed my back softly. His voice was sleepy. He said don't cry, honey. And that's how I knew I was crying.